I have been working as domestic helper here in
Your daughter and her boyfriend are still minors. In other words, they themselves are children under Philippine law. Under the circumstances, you are actually dealing with three children: your daughter, her boyfriend and their baby.
This has important implications. First, your daughter and her boyfriend cannot get married because Philippine family law sets 18 as the minimum age for couples to marry. Second, they do not have the maturity to make certain decisions such as getting married, taking care of a baby, and supporting a family. Third, your daughter and her boyfriend are still in school and they need to deal with school in addition to caring for their baby. These are a lot of demands suddenly thrust upon them by their careless act of engaging in a sexual relationship. I think this is a time when they need the help of their parents more than ever.
It will not be helpful to you and your family to look back and find out who is at fault. Blaming others, yourself or the circumstances will not have any positive effect on your present situation. Your daughter in particular would need your assurance and advice especially now that something is happening to her body that she cannot understand. If you are frustrated and in emotional pain, your daughter must also be frustrated and in emotional pain because she failed you and she knows it.
Before thinking of bringing a lawsuit, seek advice from people who have the maturity and expertise on family matters. A lawsuit should not be your immediate response. Find a spiritual advisor or family counselor who can help you deal with your frustrations first and come up with positive responses to your situation.
You mentioned your husband was negligent because this happened to your daughter. Why do you say so? Was he leaving your daughter alone without exercising parental authority over her? Was he spending all his time away from home, gambling, drinking or just not caring at all? Or could it have happened even if he did his best to be a good father of the family?
You also said you want to sue the boyfriend of your daughter. Why so? Did he commit any abusive act that led your daughter to engage in sexual relationship with him, or were both he and your daughter willing participants in such behavior?
As for some people’s advice to have your daughter marry her boyfriend, legally this cannot be done because they are both minors. Let them think about marriage when they are legally qualified to marry, that is, when they both reach 18 years of age, as long as you, your husband and the parents of the boyfriend give consent.
What you can do at this point is to talk to the parents of the guy and come to an agreement about child support. I suggest a written commitment specifying that the guy’s parents agree to provide a given amount of money for expenses related to your daughter’s pregnancy and childbirth, care and education of the baby. Also, have the guy sign an affidavit recognizing the baby so that the latter can use his surname in his/her birth certificate, and also exercise the rights of a recognized child.
As a final advice, don’t dwell on what you cannot change. You cannot redeem the time that way. A whole future lies ahead of you, continue dreaming good dreams for your daughter and her baby, and move on. The sun will still rise tomorrow.
SPEAK UP FOR JUSTICE – 8th Christian Human Rights Conference sponsored by Christian Solidarity Worldwide HK. November 10, Saturday, 10 am – 4 pm, Chinese YMCA